Then Peter said to Him, "Behold, we have left everything and followed You; what then will there be for us? And Jesus said to them, "Truly I say to you, that you who have followed Me, in the regeneration when the Son of Man will sit on His glorious throne, you also shall sit upon twelve thrones, judging the twelve tribes of Isreal. And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or farms for My name's sake, will receive many times as much, and will inherit eternal life. But many who are first shall be last; and the last, first."
Matthew 19:27-30
I don't know why I have always wanted to be a missionary. I don't even know where the idea formed in my mind. Maybe it was hearing the fascinating stories my dad told me of his many trips to Haiti. It could be from all the opportunities I had at my church to serve in my community, state and country. All I know is that ever since I was a little girl, I wanted to be a missionary.
Of course I had heard wonderful stories of people living overseas, serving others and sharing Christ with the poor and desperate. It all seemed so glamorous, and who doesn't like to travel and see the world? I knew it meant leaving your family and your friends and all the comforts that America has to offer, but I don't think I understood the magnitude of that until I realized that I don't want to give those up. Especially my family. Ask me to give up anything. Just not that.
This month all the ladies serving in this part of South Asia attended a women's retreat. I was able to meet so many amazing women. Women who had given up so much to come to South Asia, not knowing when they would return to the states. Who does that? I listened to their stories as they told me how the Lord brought them here and what they left behind. Grandmas and Grandpas who won't see their grandchildren for Christmas. Moms and dads who won't get to hug their child's neck for 3 years at least. Children who's parents are 8000 miles away, and can only share their daily struggles and victories over skype. I don't know about you... but that doesn't sound too fun. It made me think, "why do I want to be a missionary again??" Why would I want to give all that up?
But as I talked with these women and fellowshipped with them, they had an unexplainable joy that radiated from within them. It was because they knew that being in the center of God's will, no matter what the cost, was worth everything that was left behind. They knew that going where the Lord called them to go would bring much heartbreak and more tough times than you can count. But they held onto the promise that Jesus would carry them through it all. That He would provide for all of their needs and be with family and friends that were left behind. After all, His name is Immanuel, "God with us."
Being over here has really stripped me of everything I once was. It has made me see what I found my security in when I was living back home. If there was a problem, I could go to my parents. Now I can't go to my parents at all times anymore, mostly because of the time change...which is really inconvenient at times. But it allows me to come to the Lord first, He is so deserving of that. It has also has made me see that I have a tendency to put my family before Him. I truly believe that I have the best family out there, and that is a huge blessing. But to put them above Christ is dangerous. They will fail me and disappoint me. And to live for them rather than the Lord defeats the purpose of this life. I want to follow Him, and make Him my cornerstone no matter what the cost. Even if it means going away and leaving them for years at a time. One thing I do know, I will be most happy when I am in the center of His will. Not sitting in the comfort of my home, surrounded with my family and friends avoiding God's plan that He has ordained for me.
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