I have realized lately that I struggle with living in the now. I dwell in the past or think too much about the future. I am ashamed to say that I even have a countdown on my phone telling me the exact number of days until I get to see my family… Now don't get me wrong, I absolutely love it here. I love these people, this country and my life here, so why am I counting down?
When I don't live in the present and instead look into the future, it stirs worry in my heart. "What am I going to do when I get back? Will I go to school? If so, where?" So many questions consume my thoughts, and it completely switches the focus off of my task here, to something that won't even happen until 3 months from now. And I know when my time here is up, I am going to do everything I can to not get on that plane back to America. So if I know this, why do I continue to not live in the present?
I was reading in Leviticus the other day and read something that really spoke to me. The Israelites were going into their second year of living in the wilderness after being freed from the Egyptians. Their time at Mount Sinai was coming to a close, and they were preparing to enter the land of Canaan, the promised land. I can imagine the excitement they felt, I bet they were eager to get there and settle in. However, the Bible never mentions that they made a straight shot from Egypt into Canaan. They set up camp in several areas and lived in the wilderness along the way. They didn't rush their time.
"Whenever the cloud lifted from above the tent, the Israelites set out; wherever the cloud settled, the Israelites encamped. At the Lord’s command the Israelites set out, and at his command they encamped. As long as the cloud stayed over the tabernacle, they remained in camp. When the cloud remained over the tabernacle a long time, the Israelites obeyed the Lord’s order and did not set out. Sometimes the cloud was over the tabernacle only a few days; at the Lord’s command they would encamp, and then at his command they would set out." (Numbers 9:17-20)
This passage was so powerful. Right now, God's "cloud" for me is in South Asia. It's not in America, with my family or anywhere else. And just like the Israelites, I am not going anywhere if that cloud isn't hovering over me. Moses said in Exodus 33:15: "If your Presence does not go with us, do not send us up from here."
I want that to be the way that I live my life, in the center of His will with His presence hovering over me. I don't want to be thinking about the past nor the future. I want to live and dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness (Psalm 37 :3), whether it be here in South Asia or America.
My challenge for myself and for you, is to be faithful in the place that God has you right now. May we never go anywhere where His presence isn't. I want to be so close to Him, that when He is ready to move, I have full clarity that it is Him moving. And I better be willing to move with Him, because His plans are far better than mine could ever be.
