Follow Me

It’s been 4 weeks since I left home to serve in Bangladesh this summer. It has been an amazing 4 weeks so far, but it has also been one of the hardest and most painful 4 weeks of my life. This past week in particular was the most difficult. I want to start off by saying that God is so good. He is faithful and worthy of being trusted. When I came home from Bangladesh the first time in 2014, I pleaded with God to send me back soon. Bangladesh became home to me. If you know me you know that it is one of my favorite places in the entire world. I love the people, the culture, the food, the simplicity of life... and so much more. God was so faithful to send me back in 2015 for two months during the summer. Last summer was incredible, and although it was different than my first time, it was good. My love for Bangladesh grew all the more. I remember my last night in the country, I was praying and just thanking the Lord for allowing me to go back a year after I had come home. There was a peace that overcame me and I was honestly able to say “Lord, if this is my last time ever in Bangladesh, and you don’t send me back, thank you. Thank you for the time I was able to spend and for blessing me with a second opportunity to love and serve the people of Bangladesh.” It wasn’t long after I returned home that I got a call asking me if I would pray about leading a high school trip to Bangladesh the next summer. I immediately started praying about it and began to sense the Lord calling me to go back for a third time. The thought of going back made me incredibly excited. I was overwhelmed that God was allowing me to go back again. He is so good, and fulfilled the desire of my heart… because he put that desire there. As the summer got closer and closer I was eagerly anticipating my next endeavor. There were different fears though leading up to this summer since I would be leading a trip. I didn’t feel adequate enough, or wise enough at times. I was nervous about the role of discipleship and not succeeding in that area. But as I worked through those insecurities God began to strengthen me. I am not worthy enough, strong enough, or adequate. But God has called me to this task and he will give me the strength and power to lead… it doesn’t come from me.

So jump forward to this summer. Our team began to fall in love with Bangladesh and the people we got to love. Let me just say that our team is amazing. Each of the five girls loves God and each other so well. They are flexible and so mature. We worked at a slum school the first two weeks and fell in love with the girls and teachers. We were beginning to meet people and make friends. We were starting to feel at home. After almost two weeks there the girls went on holiday vacation to celebrate Eid, a large Islamic holiday. That Friday, July 1, we had a great day. We met a family that invited us into their home and we were able to share bible stories and do henna on the little girls. They invited us to break fast with them since it was still Ramadan. They even asked us to come back and celebrate Eid, which would be on July 7^th. We were so excited about this new friendship and couldn’t wait to go back to share with their family. However, that night something tragic happened in the city where we were living. Nine gunmen claiming to be ISIS took over 30 foreigners hostage and killed 20 of them. This shook the country. Even though we were only around 20 minutes from where the attack happened, we all felt a peace that can only be received from the Holy Spirit. Of course there were some concerns and a little fear, but we all felt safe where we were staying. We were told to stay in the house for the next 3 days. This was hard. We hated not being able to leave to visit friends. We had plans. We had things to get done. But we trusted in the Lords sovereignty. During our “house arrest”, as we called it, we listened to worship music, podcasts, vegged out on toast, toast, and more toast. We watched too many movies to count, and slept a little too much. We were there for each other. We were trusting the Lord. However, on Tuesday night I got a call saying that we would have to leave the country in the next 24 hours. I can’t even explain the emotions; fear, confusion, sorrow. We weren’t ready to leave. It had only been two weeks. We had two more weeks left. We had plans, people to see, a country to fall more in love with. We had just beaten jet lag. It was just starting to feel like home. Relationships had been formed and established. Why did we have to leave so early? I remember that night we all sat in a room together and read scripture and sang songs proclaiming our trust in Jesus. We promised that we would not allow our present circumstance to doubt God’s goodness.

Although this has been the hardest week of my life, I would not trade it for the world. I have learned so much about God’s goodness, His mercy, His love for me, and His faithfulness in every season of life. Upon arriving in New York where we were sent after the attacks, I did not want to be here. I wanted to be in Bangladesh doing what I thought I would be doing at this time. But the other day I was reading in Matthew 4, where Jesus calls Peter, Andrew, James and John to follow Him. This passage is interesting because all 4 of them were in the middle of something. They were not lounging around. They were in their boats casting out their nets so that they could catch fish. This was their job, not just a weekend getaway to hang out. But Jesus comes to them and says, “Follow me”. Matthew then says that Peter and Andrew immediately left their nets and followed Him. It was the same for James and John. They left their boats, their father, and all their work to follow Jesus. You don’t see them plead with Jesus to wait just 5 more minutes so they can meet their daily quota of fish. You don’t see them ask why. You just see them leave what they were doing to follow Him. We were in the middle of stuff in Bangladesh; literally… we were at our half way point. But God called us and said, “Follow me… to New York City.” So that’s what we will do. When he calls, we will go. We will do our best not to question God’s way, or to doubt His goodness. We will follow.

Highlights from this week!

It's so crazy to think that I left nearly 7 weeks ago. I still feel like I just got here, and yet I leave in less than 2 weeks. I am so not ready to leave, I have imagined what my goodbyes will be like. I have wondered if I would cry like I did last time, or if it will be a happier goodbye. My time here has been nothing short of amazing. I have had friends ask me if it is as I hoped it would be, and my response is always that it's been better than I could have imagined. I have been able to laugh until I cry with the girls at Light of Hope, share the gospel with women who are so eager to learn more, as well as spending all my Friday's in the village. I couldn't have asked for a more enjoyable experience this time around.

Here are some highlights so far:
Every Saturday I go to a local slum where I share bible stories and share the gospel with about 5 women. These women are some of the most kind and loving women I have probably ever shared with. They are constantly asking me to come back to share more stories, and they're getting it. Because they follow the majority religion here, it is sometimes difficult for them to understand what it means to follow Jesus whole-heartedly. We have had really deep conversations with them about who Jesus is, and they have asked hard questions which shows me they are listening and paying attention. The other day when I was visiting we talked about what it means to be a follower of Jesus. We had previously talked about sin, the punishment for our sin, God's promise to send a savior, and Jesus' death and resurrection. We asked who wanted to follow Jesus and who wanted to put their trust in Him. They all raised their hands. They believed that Jesus was the Son of God, but they also believed that they could follow Jesus as well as the prophet Mohammad. We explained to them that in order to follow Jesus, you have to give up everything. You cannot serve two gods. They later understood that they must turn away from their beliefs, and they were not quite ready for that. I respect them a lot for this. My job is not to convert people, only God can do that. But I was very appreciative that they were honest with me in telling me they were not ready to give up what they knew. Many times here people will tell you what you want to hear, even if it's a lie, but it was not this way. I will only meet with them one more time before I go back, but I pray that my national partner will continue to come to this area regularly to share with these women who are searching. It made me think of several scriptures in the Bible.
First it made me think of Matthew 9... "When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. Then he said to his disciples, “The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few.  Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field.” It is no mystery that Bangladesh has a plentiful harvest with few workers. 160 million people live here, most of whom do not know the true Christ. I pray that more people would come here and share with women like these who are so interested. 
Lastly it reminded me of John 4: “My food,” said Jesus, “is to do the will of him who sent me and to finish his work. Don’t you have a saying, ‘It’s still four months until harvest’? I tell you, open your eyes and look at the fields! They are ripe for harvest.  Even now the one who reaps draws a wage and harvests a crop for eternal life, so that the sower and the reaper may be glad together.  Thus the saying ‘One sows and another reaps’ is true. I sent you to reap what you have not worked for. Others have done the hard work, and you have reaped the benefits of their labor.” My prayer is that when I leave, God will continue to bring people here who will share and disciple those who I have worked amongst. I used to worry so much about wanting to see people give their lives to Christ, but I honestly don't pay attention to that anymore. Yes I would love to see people give their lives to Christ when I am with them, but my job is to be faithful to the task God has sent me to do. If I am solely the person who sows the seeds and somebody after me is able to reap, I am perfectly content with that. All I want is for people to see that He is the one true God, and I don't want to be distracted with the number of salvations I'm aiming for that I am not doing what God has asked of me. I am thankful because I have joined in on many peoples work that were here before me, and I have been blessed to be able to start new areas of sharing, but I pray and trust that when I leave, these areas will not be abandoned. I pray that God brings laborers to Bangladesh to reap what I have sown for His kingdom.

Another highlight for me was on Monday at the Light of Hope center. Somehow they got me to play English music and it turned into a huge dance party. We were exchanging Bangla dance moves for American dance moves. We laughed until we cried, and even fell to the ground laughing at some points. It was 30 minutes of pure joy. I will cherish memories like that for the rest of my life. Words cannot even begin to explain the love that I have for each of them. So anytime we are able to laugh and just hangout together, it's a win for me. They are the girls who I dread having to say goodbye to. When I think of Bangladesh, it's the Light of Hope center that first comes to mind. I am thankful that God has allowed our two very different paths to cross!

Smiles and a little bit of tears

I think I smiled all day long today. Each day here continues to get better and better. Today was definitely a very good day. Early this morning I went to a Bengali house church. It is all in Bangla, and I usually don't understand what's going on, or what is being preached about.. but I still enjoy it. I enjoy the company of other Bengali believers and seeing them worship the one true God. Even though I don't understand all that is going on, I use that time to pray for the national believers. I pray that the message from the Lord would resonate in their hearts and that they would be doers of the word, and not merely hearers. After church, we drank cha (tea with milk and sugar) and ate biscuits (cookies and sweet crackers). This is very customary in Bangladesh.
 Later I went out with one of my national friends to an area I used to go to last year. We did not go to the same house, but instead went to another house. My national friend had mentioned that these ladies were very interested in knowing more about Jesus Christ. For muslims all over the world, today was the first fasting day of Ramadan, so I was very grateful that they allowed me to come into their homes and share with them. We talked about God's Word, and that we can trust it is good and true. We also talked about creation and the fall of man and how because of that, we now face troubles and struggle with sin. When I go next week, we will talk about our own personal sin, and hopefully by the time I leave in July, we will have finished Jesus' crusifixtion and ressurection! They were all very eager to hear what I had to say, and were excited to welcome me back next week. Please pray that God will soften their hearts, and that they would be receptive to the gospel. Also pray that I will be faithful to say and share what He wants me to say. I cannot save these people, all I can do is be faithful and plead with the Lord to do something supernatural in the hearts of these women that only He can do. I ask you to join me in that.
As I was leaving, I began to see many women who I shared with and visited with last year. In fact, one of my favorite aunties saw me and came up to me and gave me the warmest hug I have probably ever gotten. I was so shocked to see her, I honestly did not expect to see her today. For some reason, this elderly lady is just someone who is always on my heart. As I hugged her and caught up with her, more women began to make their way to me. Most all of them were ladies who I shared with last year. At this moment a couldn't help but cry small, happy tears. These were ladies who I got to know over a years time. Almost every saturday that I was in country, I would go to their neighborhood and share the gospel with them, as well as basic health lessons. When I had to leave, I was so sad. These ladies are muslim, and I have prayed countess prayers for their salvation. When I was leaving last year, I had no idea if I would ever see them again. But there have been so many times when I've lied in my bed begging the Lord to allow me to see them in heaven one day. I have prayed for their salvation over and over again. I have pleaded with God to plant the seeds of His word in their hearts, and to see fruition. Even though I did not personally see them give their hearts to Christ, it is never too late. I pray that the words me, and others have shared with them would somehow take root in their hearts. But today, what once was a doubt that I'd ever see them again, quickly vanished. God has given me another chance to share with them and to love on them, and I want to be faithful with the task He has given me! I can't wait to share with you all that God is doing.

Also, Ramadan is going on for the next month. Please pray for the muslim people. Pray that God would reveal himself to them in dreams and in visions, though He is not limited to only this way.

(two)day(s) in the life

Today was my first full day in the city where I will be living for the next month. It was the city that I lived in last year! This place feels so much like home. After I flew in yesterday, we had a shuttle take us to an intersection that was very close to my old house, as well as the house I am staying at now. Immediately the memories started flowing, I knew exactly where I was…and oddly, it was if I was never actually gone. I love that my heart is so invested into this country. I love that God has given me a heart for these people. I love that Bangladesh feels like home to me.

After I flew in yesterday, I dropped off my luggage and went straight to Light of Hope to see all the girls and the staff, the girls had no idea I was coming! I walked into the school and one of the girls noticed me walk in and her jaw hit the floor, she was actually speechless. She then screamed as the other girls turned around to see me walk in. More screams, hugs, and lots of love were exchanged yesterday. It was a great day, and it felt so good to be back at the school with the girls who are so near and dear to my heart.

Today, I went to the school as well and taught a discipleship class over wisdom. We talked about what it means to be wise verses smart. We read through many proverbs and the book of James. After our class we ate lunch; boiled egg, potatoes, curry, and rice… one of my favorite meals! It was just as good as I had remembered! After school, I decided I wanted to walk home instead of taking a rickshaw. They all called me crazy for walking 50 minutes in the blazing heat, but I loved it. I love being able to see the city, the people, and so much more at a slower pace. You don’t miss anything when you walk; you get to see it all. I took my old shortcut back to the house. The streets are quieter, there’s not much traffic, nor are there people all around. It’s probably one of my favorite places to walk. Later today, I went to the store near the house to get a few things. This store ALWAYS has beggars nearby. Always. The children there will bombard you, asking for money, food, and anything else they can think of. Not wanting to be bombarded, I tried to take a different way out. Fail. They saw me anyways. About 7 of them came running up to me, and as they got closer they realized they knew me, and I knew them. “Friend, friend, friend”, they yelled as they gave me huge hugs, “it's been so long since we have seen you”. This absolutely melted my heart. They remembered me and knew who I was. I walked back to the house and they all yelled to me,  “you don’t live over here, you need to go this way to get back to your house”. They were directing me to the way I would take if I lived where I used to live. I sadly had to tell them I am not staying there (I loved our old house), and that I was staying with a friend. They then walked me half way home hand in hand.

These past two days have been such a blessing. When I first booked my ticket in February, I was anxious. Anxious that it wouldn’t be the same without my roommates here with me, or that I wouldn’t be staying in our apartment. I didn’t want to compare the two times, and it not meet my expectations. And yes it is different, but it’s good. God continues to show me his faithfulness, and I believe that he has increased in my heart a love for this place even more.  

Spiritual battles and how to fight them

I have been back in Bangladesh a little over two weeks! It feels so surreal and I still cannot believe I am actually here; God is SO good! There is so much to love about this place. The food, the people, the simplicity of life. But one of my favorite things about being here is that I feel so close and connected to the Lord. The reason I feel this way is because I have quality time with Jesus everyday. Bangladesh is a very oppressed country... you can feel it in the air, you can see it when you walk down the street, and you can hear it wherever you stand. As a believer, you can feel the spiritual tension. You wake up every morning knowing that you are having to fight a spiritual battle. You know that satan is out among the streets, wondering in the slums, corrupting the hearts of young children. It's evident here, and there is no way of getting past it. Knowing this, it pushes me to spend daily time in the Word so that I may be able to fight the days battle.
It was not until I came to Bangladesh in 2013 that I truly understood what it meant to put on the armor of God. When you walk outside your apartment here, you are walking into a battle zone. Ephesians 6:11-12 says, "Put on the full armor of God, so that you will be able to stand firm against the schemes of the devil. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places." There are true, and powerful evil forces in this world that want nothing more than to destroy your life, and especially your walk with the Lord. So knowing that there is a spiritual war in Bangladesh, it would be foolish of me not to spend time with the Lord and prepare myself for the day.

But then there's America... completely opposite of Bangladesh. There's no Islamic call to prayer five times a day. There's no Hindus worshiping loudly in temples sacrificing animals, no Buddhists chanting and worshiping an idol on the street corner. The sins of America are so greatly masked that we don't even realize that America itself is the ground of a spiritual war zone. I think this makes satan extremely satisfied and happy. Maybe this was his plan overall. In America, it's so easy to feel as if you don't need Jesus. You can live your everyday life without having to fully rely on Him. We don't feel the spiritual tension like we would in an Islamic country; but it's there. It's there in the temptations that women struggle with to look and be someone they're not. It's there when a spouse wrongfully lusts after someone who is not their own. It's there when we buy material items that falsely tell us we will be satisfied once we have it. It's there in the movies we watch and the songs we sing along to. Sin is everywhere, and it demands our attention, and many times we give in.

One thing the Lord has been teaching me here is that I need Him in America just as much as I need him in Bangladesh. Just as I can't go one day without his Word here, so it should be the same way in America. There is no doubt that satan is powerful, he is even described as the "prince of the power of the air" in John 12. We cannot fight this battle alone, and we cannot do it if we are not prepared. The only way that we can be prepared each and every day is by spending quality time with Him each day, knowing that He fights for us. He helps us fight off sin, temptations, and traps that "so easily entangle us". But that only happens when we sit down each day, spend time with Him, and put on the FULL armor of God. There's no other way around it. And until we see that our own country is just as sinful and corrupt as outside countries, it will be extremely difficult for us to fully rely on Christ to help us fight this fight.

But we can find encouragement and strength in knowing that "we fight from victory, not for victory. " -David Platt

"Thank You"

I recently looked back on my past blog postings... I used to blog every now and then about what the Lord was teaching me at the time, and just updates from my time in South Asia. Writing has always been a sense of relief for me, even though I am not an avid writer. So after reading my past blogs, I decided it was time for a new one, so bare with me.

They say that coming home after doing long-term mission work can be pretty difficult. You struggle with reverse culture shock, and to be honest, sometimes coming back into America can be a lot harder than adjusting to a third world country. Bangladesh was extremely hard to get used to. Our culture and their culture are complete opposites. The food, the clothes, transportation...EVERYTHING! But after awhile you just get used to it, it all becomes kinda normal, at least for me it did. I grew to love Bangladesh. I loved the warm hospitality of the women, always welcoming me into their homes for hot tea and sweet treats. I loved how simple life was, and let's be honest, I especially loved how cheap most things were. I wasn't distracted by instagram or any other sort of social media. I didn't have to worry about how I looked, cause who was there to impress? However, coming back home was a little harder. I eventually started to adjust to the new "norms", but as I continued to adjust back to "home", it really didn't feel like home. Everything reminded me of Bangladesh. I am sure my family and friends were sick of hearing stories and comparisons of "here" and "there".

What most people struggle with when returning back to America is the feeling that people just don't care. They ask you "oh how was your trip"?, but most of the time their attention span lasts for 2 minutes. You have so much to say, so many stories, so many memories... how do you say it all in 2 minutes? A lot of the time people will just shut down. It's hard to relate to American culture when others just don't understand where you came from; and honestly, how can they? But while yes, it was hard for me to adjust, and I did interact with some people who just wanted to hear, "my trip was good", and move on, my culture shock was better than I anticipated, and I blame that on my church. After returning home, I felt so loved by my church body. I am so blessed to have the church family that I do, and I want to personally thank you. You made my homecoming better than I could have ever planned it. You showed me that you cared about my time in Bangladesh, you were eager to listen to my stories, my victories, and my defeats from my time there. You were patient with me when I was just having "one of those days". You took me out to dinner just to hear me talk for an hour about my time there; I am so grateful for that.

Since being home, I have longed to be back there. I have so desperately wanted to hug my friends that I left behind. I have been praying about going back, and that the Lord would send me when the time is right... Well, I am so excited to say that God has given me the opportunity to go back this summer! I want to cry happy tears just thinking about it. I am eager to see everyone, and to do the same ministries that I did when I was there. I can't wait to do follow up in the villages and the slums, and to see women and children who I thought I might not ever see again. God is SO good and so faithful. He knows the desires of our hearts, and He wants to fulfill them because He put them there. I am excited to update you all while I am there, by sharing pictures and stories. One thing I want to ask of you is that you would pray for me and my time there. Pray that God would begin to move in the hearts of those I will soon encounter. When you prayed for me faithfully last year, I felt it. I want to thank you again for covering me in prayer.

I look forward to updating you all on this next adventure!

...To God be the glory!

GO

Sometimes I see people and I look right past them. I am in a hurry to get where I am going, I don't want to make awkward eye contact with someone, and if it's a beggar, looking at them is an invitation for them to bombard you. But sometimes, I look intently at the men, women and children here. When I do that, I see that there is a story behind them. Choices and circumstances have shaped their life to where they are now, and most of the time, doing this deeply saddens me. It saddens me because I know that 98 percent of the population in Bangladesh is living without the hope of Christ in their life. They go home to families that do not know the love of Jesus. They practice rituals and traditions to the point that they grow numb to it. It becomes something they have to do in order to earn the favor of their god. They wake up every morning not knowing if their eternity is solidified.

The other day I was on the train coming back from a short trip to the capitol. There was a man working on the train that sold chips. He was most likely very poor. As I looked at him I started to think to myself, did he dream of having this job when he was 5? Did he want to become a doctor or a teacher? Was he happy to have this job because it meant he actually had a small income? As I was questioning this, I started to cry. He looked hopeless, as if there was no purpose to his existence. He was just a poor chip seller on a train. What would his life look like if he knew Jesus… who was going to tell this man about Jesus? About this time the TV on the train changed to a picture of muslims in Saudi Arabia. Millions of them in this picture were all bowing in adoration to allah. The large caption on the picture read "ALLAH THE GREATEST!"As the call to prayer started to sound men and women got up to pray. They sat on their knees with no shoes, bodies facing Mecca, the holy city for Islam and began to recite their prayers. Many men and women started to bow down- praying to a god who is not God.
By this time I had to put my hands to my face to cover the tears that started to flow. I had never felt so overwhelmed before in my life. It wasn't a feeling from the enemy, but it was from the Lord. I thought of all the people in Bangladesh alone who would not spend eternity with Jesus Christ if they were to die today. MILLIONS. Let that word sink in for a minute. Millions of people just in Bangladesh will spend their eternity in hell if they die today. Then I started to think of people all over the globe. Muslims, Hindus, Bhuddists, Atheists… the list goes on and on.
I had to ask myself this question… What are we doing with our lives?? When did the church become so content with living in our Christian bubble. God says "Go" and we send money. We are so concerned with material items and our "status quo" that we are completely forgetting about the millions of people that are dying in their sin daily. Why are people not leaving by the masses to go and live in the hardest of places to reach the most difficult people.

God really convicted me of this. Lately I have been excited to go home and to have all the things that I don't have here. A dryer, dishwasher, central A.C. and much more. But God spoke to me in this moment on the train. "Why do you care about this useless stuff, knowing that these people are lost and in need of a savior. Do you not know that your time here on earth is limited. Go and proclaim my name to the people of Bangladesh." I realized that everything back home is nothing compared to the joy that I see when even 1 person comes to know Christ.
This world is not our home. Lets quit getting comfortable, because we're not here to be settled. We're here to be sent.
I am ready for Christ's return. Though we do not know when this will be, we know from Matthew 24:14 that the end will come once the Gospel of the Kingdom is preached to the whole world. Let that motivate us to be a people that go and sacrifice everything so that the whole world will know that He is God!